the What!?

I wish I knew where to start. I think these kinds of things go so much better face to face with a real person in front of me - one who is able to reach for my hand, look into my fear-filled eyes and whisper, “whatever it takes…” with a squeeze, or be that as it may, a rebuttal. Here, I have but a one-way conversation to go from, (amateur writing with horrific punctuation), to be perceived in every which way. But like always (sigh!), I’ll take the risk and be obedient to my calling in sharing what God’s been up to.

Each time I’ve broadcasted our news live my stomach flips, heart pounds, pulse races, mouth dries, hands tremble. Apprehensive might be the word to describe it. Mostly because I’m anxious of a very real reality that’s becoming even more real. And with that, what it might entail for our little Clan.

But hell, it’s time to jump {gulp.}

The news?

we.  are.  ADOPTING…..

praying specifically over little Elizabeth, an Eastern European girl with Down Syndrome.

Yes. We know!

:: We already have three… and we still love those ones, in fact.

:: 4 kids really is a whole lot… and those snide remarks/vicious glares at the grocery store are right up my alley, Adam’s ESPECIALLY! (do not mess with Papa bear, let me tell you.)

:: We are not cut out for this… with Jesus as our guide, we can do our best. "All have fallen..." (Rom. 3:23) means not one of us is a perfect parent. But think of what she will teach our kids, us! - the gospel in its simplest form really.

:: This is a life sentence … we know a lot about what we are getting into. So your “concerned for me” questions aren’t going to change our minds. i'd prefer a hug.

:: It’s going to be hard, really really hard … suffering for the sake of the gospel [should] come with the territory. Believers are called to the forefront of the orphan crisis. So how about I just keep my confidence in Christ Jesus my Lord, author and perfector of my faith and see what happens.

:: She is going to disrupt our perfect little American dream lifestyle… Eff that dream. It’s false, people. Yes, I just said the F word, sorta. That’s how strongly I feel. 40k could go to a lot of other things we’d like, but really? We'd just want more. Besides, it's time to put my money where my mouth is. "Pure and undefiled religion is this..." (James 1:27), right?

So yeh,  not everyone we’ve told has been so empathetic and excited for this newest possible addition to our family. More than I expected, rude questions, comments, and facial expressions have shot me in the heart. People I thought would for sure never understand were actually the most supportive. And vice versa. Go figure. ?

Here’s the thing. I wish I could simply look away and think it is someone else’s problem/job/gifting to give life to a so-called “defective” child. I wish I could disconnect from what I have seen and heard." Instead, "we are held responsible for what we know." (Prov 24:12) And that is this:

There are over 160 million orphans living in obscene, inexcusable environments. Not only do they go to bed hungry, they are tied to cribs- treated like animals, lying in their own waste, banging their heads on the bars, biting their fingers, and rocking day and night just to self soothe. By the age of four, if a family has yet to adopt them, they will be sent away to a mental institution for adults. It is said that 95% of these children die within a year of being transferred.

To be perfectly honest, I have pondered adoption probably since the day Adam left the house for his vasectomy. Even though I never felt complete as a family, I was okay that we were done. (if you go back into my archives you will sense that. although, I was pretty ambiguous at the time.)

For the past year or so I’d mention, nonchalantly, while sitting at the dining table – the one with an empty chair staring back at me,  “I feel like someone is missing”. Or the fact that we have soo many bedrooms, “what do you think about… a little girl?”  Whenever I brought it up Adam would shut it down. Rather than coaxing him, I prayed.


Little did I know, God was at work in his heart. After seeing an update on Facebook from this girl declaring “3500 babies will be aborted tomorrow,” my mind immediately went to the 9 out of 10  murdered particularly due to Down Syndrome. The prodding and persuading the docs put us through with this last pregnancy (Nick) came to mind. Seeing first hand how they “counsel” mothers into “making the best decision for their babies” disturbs me even still. Don’t they know what zest, what joy, what love these precious angels bestow to the lives around them? Just minutes after sighting that post I randomly brought the adoption topic up again- asking Adam, “If he knew someone aborting their baby with Down’s syndrome – would he save it through adoption?’ He practically leapt from the couch with a resounding, “YES! Do you know someone???!!” Divine appointment maybe? Or perhaps the extensive reading we devoured together on living out the gospel for reals, more recently? Either way his heart is fully softened and full of passion – even more than mine.

Since that night, we’ve prayed constantly for confirmation, and wisdom. It seems we cannot get away from it. We want to get moving, but make sure to let God lead. I have been reading and researching like crazy… (the way in which we found her is for a whole other post.)

All I know is this: our hands are open, ready for whatever. And we stand here with only one thing: a desire to love. Specifically, “the least of these.” (Matt 25:40)  Our hope in fighting against the world’s opinions of these "defective" discarded orphans is to change minds, many minds along the way. Hence, the starfish story.


Our time to act is now. God called us out from our comfort, our life of pleasure and ease and into something wild

and untamed
and scary
and everything in between.

Pray for us, will you?  For wisdom, for finances, for a smooth process, for the powers of darkness to be kept at bay. And for Elizabeth too. She is just precious. 


THANK YOU for all your love and support here.